Sad is not bad.

Not long ago I listened as a grandfather, swollen with pride, brag to his young granddaughter. He explained to her that he had recently been injured but was now okay. The point he emphatically drove home with the child was that throughout the entire ordeal he never once shed a tear, not one. He simply forced himself to keep the tears inside. I was amazed.

As a chaplain I often share time with patients, times when very few words are uttered. Sometimes we sit in silence. On more than one occasion I have been present, in silence, as the patient, family, or staff member wept, sometimes uncontrollably so. With this in mind the well intentioned grandfather’s words caused me to ponder what lesson the young child would take away from this tutorial on the art of sucking it up. Would she hear, and be proud of the fact that her grandfather was one tough buckaroo, able to resist and hold back those dreaded telltale signs of weakness called tears? Or, would she sadly walk away and join the ranks of millions of others in our society who are convinced that crying, i.e. being sad, is bad a thing, a definite Achilles' heel in one’s persona?

Certainly it is not my place to judge the concerned grandfather. Not for one second do I doubt that he desires the absolute best for his granddaughter. And when I hear “there, there, don’t cry” around the hospital I have to remind myself that the comforter is most likely truly concerned for the one who weeps. But what has happened in our society, what has happened to us, and why have we succumbed to this notion that sadness is a bad thing to be avoided at all cost? How did tears become the icon for fragility?

In the midst of this magnificent journey called life it can be healthy if we come to grips with the fact that there will be times of sadness. Happy simply cannot happen on a twenty-four seven schedule. Someone once proclaimed that the brook could not make those soothing sounds if it were not for the rocks. I like that. Our hard times, our days of trudging through the dark valley, blinded by tears of anguish, serve well to multiply the intensity of our joy. Of all the things we seek in life, balance is a prized commodity. It might be hard for some to admit, but we really do not want a life that is nonstop hilarity and knee slapping merriment. Bliss and sorrow, laughter and tears -- all indispensable ingredients for a well-adjusted enjoyable life.

If we must embrace times of weeping, to whom or what can we turn to for solace? Just knowing that the sadness will pass can provide minuscule consolation in the midst of intense agony. Here is where I want to offer that there is One who has promised never to abandon us, never. When I read the Bible I find three letters, two short words that never fail to help me when I am sad. These two words, proclaimed by God, are concise and to the point yet brimming with theology and hope. God’s proclamation of “I AM” is in fact, a not too shabby summation of the divine message for all.
In this decree we find the promise of divine hope in the darkest of our times. In this declaration I hear an assurance, a promise from One who has always been with us, is with us now, and will always be with us. And let’s be honest, when we are sad nothing is more comforting than the presence of a fellow sojourner offering not judgment, nor half baked advice, but his or her nonjudgmental self. Please do not ask me how our Creator does it, but in some mystical and comforting way God shows up, on time, ready and willing to offer succor and hope. This may come as a visit from a friend, church member, chaplain, nurse, or other staff member. Somehow, time and again, God’s ambassador arrives when the stream of tears is about to become an overwhelming river of sorrow. I see this every day, and everyday it gives me hope.
I too have a granddaughter. And it just may be that someday I will speak with her about my being sick, hurt, and sad. And when that happens I know now that I will say “sweetie, Grandpa is going through a hard time. It is so hard in fact, that today I cried my eyes out. But you know what? It’s okay. In fact, it felt good to cry. For you see, sad is not bad.”

- Carey Reynolds, Chaplain