Dealing with Grief?

Grief is commonly related to what one feels after the death of a cherished one. It's defined by Webster’s dictionary as “deep and poignant distress caused by, or as if by, bereavement.”As human beings we experience grief in many ways. Grief is complicated and different for everyone.

When we lose a loved one, we not only miss that person, but we deal with a whole cloud of emotions, including, but not limited to, regret, frustration, anger, sadness, worry, and anxiety. We mourn the loss of a future with that person. We mourn the things we should have said and done. We struggle with the reality of the things we said, and now regret. We struggle with the truth of the present, and the void that is left by that person no longer being with us.

As a hospital chaplain, I find myself confronted with several types of grief:

* The grief of families when a loved one dies in the hospital.

* The grief of hospital staff when a patient dies.

* The grief patients experience when they are diagnosed with a serious illness.

Grief can revolve around the loss of hope, the loss of innocence, and the loss of dreams. The personal grief of everyday life in the community of a hospital environment is abundant. Grief is troublesome, scary, and unpredictable. Grief is unavoidable, and there is no instruction manual for getting through it.

I often fight with my own grief. I experience anticipatory grief of losing my own family members as I work day in and day out with death and illness.I hope and pray that as we deal with the grief that exists in life, we can seek out each other through relationships.

One helpful way to deal with grief is to talk about it in an appropriate and safe environment. Our families, friends, and even professionals are helpful resources. Support groups within the community can provide listening ears, and support from others who may be at different stages of grief. We must not lose hope in the future even through our grief.

Here at Texas Health Harris Methodist Fort Worth Hospital, we offer a variety of support groups. Four times a year we offer a group called “Life After Loss.” It is a program developed by the American Cancer Society. It's a six-week free seminar for anyone who has experienced the death of a loved one. We explore the process of grief, expectations, what you need when you are grieving, living with loss, and the "what do I do now?" of life after losing someone.Grief, if avoided, will not just magically disappear. Losing a loved one, or a loss of something significant to you, is not something that you just “get over.” It's something you will get through.
If you find yourself swallowed or drowning in your grief, whether it is from a recent loss or one that occurred many years ago, taking time to journey through the valley of grief might be helpful. Seek out a group or someone to journey with you.I would like to leave you with an ancient Irish blessing.

As we each deal with various kinds of grief, may we know that we are not alone….

May the road rise up to greet you

May the wind be ever at your back

May the sun shine warm upon your face

May the rains fall soft upon your leaves

And until we meet again

May the good Lord hold you in the hollow of God’s hand

AMEN



Dora E. Saul, MDiv., BCC
Staff Chaplain
Texas Health Harris Methodist Hospital Fort Worth